the interweb home of michael eubanks, campus minster and songwriter.
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I wasn’t going to say anything.

I was very okay with being a casual, silent observer in all this madness about Asian-American identity.  I had plenty of friends and coworkers chiming in with (intelligent) opinions, my Facebook feed was littered with links, and I watch ESPN just about every day.  Don’t get me wrong; I’m highly emotionally invested in how it plays out.  But I was hoping to watch it unfold before I pushed myself to let my heart engage.

And then came Floyd Mayweather and Jenny Hyun.

I know that there has been a TON of insightful, sincere, and noteworthy analysis of the role of ethnicity in the wake of Lin’s success, and I appreciate what I have read so far. And it may seem counterproductive to give two attention-hungry, insecure media brats any attention.  But I think their dialog reveals something profoundly frightening and important.

I originally wrote a song in March 2011 after the UCLA Alexandra Wallace incident.  My heart was hurting for Asian-Americans; not necessarily because of the drivel that came from her mouth, but because I talked to student after student who thought that the right thing to do was to ignore it and hope it would blow over.

It didn’t.
It’s not going to.

From these past two weeks, 2 things have become abundantly clear to me:

1. There will always be something that makes us talk about ethnicity (and the empty social construct of race).
2. Our country and all its major structures (government, education, society, etc.) has proven time and time again that it has no clue how to handle *ethnicity in a way that expresses universal dignity and worth.

And this is why I follow Jesus.  Jesus’ own Jewish neighbors executed him, partially because of his continual choices to demonstrate and freely give the love of God to non-Jews.  And when he rose from that grave on the third day, part of what that said was, “You don’t get to tell me who receives the love of God.  I get to say what the love of God is and who receives it.”

Ethnicity isn’t going away because it’s how God made us.  It’s actually one way he’s made for us to discover who He is.  And our country is unable to handle ethnicity in a dignified way because our country is anti-forgiveness.  Insomuch as forgiveness is “choosing to not control punishment when someone wrongs you (pastor Bryan),” it’s anti-American.  We are taught everywhere that everyone should be held accountable when they do something “wrong,” and that we get to decide what accountability is.  And when wrong and right (and, thus, accountability) are defined primarily by majority culture, there is no forgiveness. There is no justice. There is no rightness. There is no peace.

But, the massive power of the hostility, ignorance, and fear we harbor against each other has been defeated in his death and resurrection.  He has imagined for us a completely different kind of relationship with each other: he calls it shalom.  He has established for us an ethic in which we can live as complete people, in complete relationships, and recognize the completeness of ethnicity as a way for us to turn away from rebellion against our Creator and turn towards the fullness of His creative goodness.

In case you were waiting for America and the rest of the world to stop talking about ethnicity: it’s never going to happen.  You do have the option of avoiding the discussion; that is your right.  But I actually think that it is in this arena where the people of God have the opportunity to display the goodness of our covenant with Creator Abba and change the social landscape, forever.  Let’s do this!

Posted at 2:21am and tagged with: two column,.

When I moved to Berkeley, I left behind a lot of things.  Some tangible, but many intangible and difficult to quantify.

One of those things was my band.  Hiatus was a large part of 5 years of my post-college life, and the things that God used those men and that band to disciple me about friendship and art are (hopefully) unforgettable.  But when I moved, I gave that up, and all of the plans that I had fashioned for us.

I was beginning to write a lot of music.  I pushed myself to put out a self-produced EP so that I could be faithful to what God and I were exploring musically.  I had a lot of plans as to what I could do with that material.  But when I moved, those plans got placed on a shelf.

But now that I’m here, I can’t stop writing.  It’s really amazing to me, because there isn’t much that has changed about me.  I still generally have the same internal struggles and insecurities as when I left, but there’s just a lot more coming out.

And what’s more, I’m in a band!  An R&B/funk/hip-hop band!  With people who love the same music that taught my 3 and 4 year-old self what music actually was!  Holy crap!

This, of course, has triggered my memory about all the artists that formed my musical tastes and taught me how to sing and play and listen to music.  And when good memories are triggered, the imagination is soon to follow.  (Non-sequitor: I think this is why God tells us to remember; perhaps intentionally reflecting on God’s past faithfulness gives Him permission to shape my imagination for the things that He’s about to do.)

And so my decision:
I need to write and sing R&B worship music.

To me, this is nothing short of preposterous.  As far as I know, nobody who means anything in the music world sees any link between R&B and church.  Most R&B fans think the art form’s major purpose is to be the soundtrack to babymaking, and most Christians (of all traditions) have been fed such average music, they wouldn’t know know what to do with crafted R&B.

But as strange as it sounds, it also makes perfect sense; I submit to you that R&B comes from a prophetic tradition and history.  What if it were the vehicle that could deliver a prophetic message to my America, criticizing us out of our slavery and idol-making and energizing us into radical generosity and loving the needy among us?

Saying all this was the (kinda) easy part.
The hard part: discerning when and how any of this is actually supposed to happen.

In the meantime, time to start writing…

Posted at 12:33am and tagged with: two column,.

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What is hope?

One thing I’ve been trying to do is to find synonymous words that allow me to see really important things in different, equally true ways.  For instance, when I think about “love,” the word that most comes to mind is “affectionate commitment.”  Whenever I read about the love of God, I assume that I’m reading about his affectionate commitment to me.  I know it’s not a perfect synonym (who could ever come up with a perfect synonym for the love of God?), but it has done my imagination and my soul a lot of good.

Similarly, I have a synonym for hope.
Hope for me is “a vision of God’s future.”

For example:

Then the LORD will create over the whole site of Mount Zion and over her assemblies a cloud by day, and smoke and the shining of a flaming fire by night; for over all the glory there will be a canopy. There will be a booth for shade by day from the heat, and for a refuge and a shelter from the storm and rain.
(Isaiah 4:5-6 ESV)

The entirety of Isaiah 4 is 7 verses of prose.  And if you read it in its context, it will and should feel completely anomalous.  It’s a striking interruption to very poetic, lofty imagery describing God’s heartbreak on account of His own people’s betrayal and adultery.

But this interruption is hope.  In the midst of a beautifully tragic account of God’s sorrow and anger, He chooses to look ahead to what he certainly will do and create for His people.  As he pronounces just and deserved punishment for the culture of estrangement that His people have chosen and taught and multiplied, He also pronounces a vision of the future He’s creating…

…and there’s a canopy.  Over the future that he is making, there’s a canopy.

It’s like he’s planning a big party, and we know that we’re invited and that He’s going to do something for us at the party, but we don’t know what.  He’s even gotten us to help him plan the party, but we don’t know exactly what we’re planning.  But then we show up, and we realize that it’s our wedding.  He’s been planning our wedding the whole time.  And not just that, but he’s planned our marriage as well.  He’s been building and making things for the party that will last far beyond the party, that will be just as good years and years and years later.

There will be a day, and we will be Your bride again.

Posted at 10:43am and tagged with: two column,.

bryansbrew:

Poem | War

“I entered a war I did not seek. I entered a war I cannot win.

I entered and found the enemy to be me.

I entered a war and now I see that peace will only be had in my defeat.

May Christ be victorious in Me.”

- Bryan H. Kim | October 31st, 2011

At the End of Every…

i may be writing a song to this.  very soon.  like, “2 days ago” soon.
this is brilliant and “double-edged,” if you know what i’m sayin’. 

Posted at 12:03am.

…so i might have accidentally really liked this and done something to it.

Stitch Me by eubanksme

removetheveil:

the fabric of my life is Your love

so weave me a new romance tonight

stitch me a new song

knit me again and again with You

because everything I am is everything You are. 

Posted at 4:02pm and tagged with: one column,.

I had an extremely interesting and invigorating conversation today with a member of my church and a local organizer.  We talked about many things, one of which ended up being this idea of house concerts.  Since my friend suggested this to me, I’ve been thinking and thinking about it.  It won’t escape me, and that’s a sign of something.

Tonight, I asked myself, “Is this even a good idea?”  I mean, it’s a reasonable question. If I’m never going to be on a big-time label, I need a way to share the music I write.  I need a way to artistically communicate with people.  And every time I imagine myself in a big stadium playing for thousands and thousands of people, it makes no sense.

Because I want to talk to the people listening to my music.
I want to see their faces.
And I want them to see the faces of the people listening along with them.

Here’s my attempt at answering my question.  It’s semi-mathematical, and not rigorous, but it’s an outline.  If ever I am called upon to complete it, I will.  But really, I’d rather just do it and tell you about it…anyway, here goes.

——————-

CLAIM: House concerts are a way for a community/family to experience music in a way that facilitates authentic and holistic transformation

Situation: a community and time in which God is revealed.
For every situation, there is an appropriate response to God’s revelation.

Good art is situational. Good music is situational; that is, good music is aware of the community and time in which it exists:

  • Ps137.1-6: When that situation is lament.
  • Ps 84.1: When that situation is longing.
  • Ps40.1-3: When that situation is redemption.
  • Ps 33.1-7: When that situation is remembrance.

One way to make art that accurately responds to a situation is to make that art accessible to the affected community.

Community = family = tribe (via Bryan Kim).
Families can loosely be characterized by 4 qualities…

  • Values: The things that the family cares about in which it invests
  • Ethic: The general governing behaviors of the family
  • Discourse: An important subset of ethic, specifically focused on the family’s language
  • Expression: The outpouring of the family’s experience, both original or representative

The things that happen in the house are what define and shape the family’s values, ethic, discourse, and expression.  A family’s exposure to situational art via the house concert can make space for God to transform the family, both its people and its function.

  • SETTING: The venue in which you perform your music says a lot about your intentions as an artist, as well as the intentions of your art.  The house setting is crucial because it implies that the artist wants to be seen and heard, and that the artist wants their art to be seen and heard.
  • CONVERSATION: The house setting also implies a level of actual human interaction among the attendees; the discourse of the evening is actually important to the evening itself.
  • THEME: Each concert needs to have a theme that is relevant to the artist, community, or (ideally) both that frames the music and (at least part of) the conversation.
  • MONEY: The artist should be compensated for the work that they do in creating the art and visioning for the space.   But, the community that is gathered to receive the art should also be able to use the evening to invest in something in which they have (or want to have) relational and monetary capital (a non-profit organization, individuals that are in need, a special project, etc.).
  • HOSPITALITY: The setting is not a formality.  There are elements of hospitality that are possible in a house that aren’t possible in a theatre, arena, etc.  There should be great food, interesting ambience, and people making sure that every individual is comfortable.

At the end of the day, if art is received in the right spaces with the right people, I believe that transformation is imminent.   Too much attention is placed on the aesthetics of the art instead of the details of how it is received.  It’s really easy to make art that makes people like you.  But the artists who desire to have their art transcend themselves can’t just make good art.  We have to place good art in good spaces.

Posted at 3:50pm and tagged with: two column,.

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I’ve only read to chapter 6, but there seem to be two things that the God of the desert-wanderers doesn’t like:

1. When you forget him.
2. When you convince other (poorer) people that He’s forgotten them.

It seems as though Isaiah 2 is about the first one, and it’s a specific kind of forgetting. This is the kind where we choose to forget the God who provides everything we need and gave us all the ability we’ll ever know, all in lieu of remembering ourselves, our needs, and our abilities.

And let’s not pretend that this isn’t one of the easiest things for us to do.  I think it is. When I forget God, I am successfully deceived into believing that my existence is disconnected to joyful generosity, and that I need to care for myself.  And this is huge for me.  So much has happened to me that has taught me that generosity doesn’t actually exist, and how to live accordingly.  And the more I’ve reflected on that kind of living, the more I know that it’s awful.  It’s poison.  It’s shit (Paul’s word, not mine).

And check out God’s response.  Only God can be perfectly frightening and perfectly loving all at the same time.  ”I will be exalted, and you will be brought low.”  This is scary: can you imagine falling from the heights of your self-created arrogance?  But it’s also wonderful: Can you imagine the Holy Spirit bringing the revelation of God’s generosity into every part of your life and restoring the humility our “creaturely-ness” and the glory of His “creator-ness”?

if you want to be safe
more than you want to be mine,
then you should hide.
if you love what you’ve made
more than He who made you,
then I don’t know you.

for you will be undone, humbled by my glory
you will be made low; I alone will be exalted

On that day, you shall see:
Zion will be lifted over all.

All the world will proclaim:
“God of Jacob, teach us of your way.”

Justice will be on display,
As weapons of destruction are made new.

Sons, draw near; daughters, come;
The nearness of our God
The brightness of our King will be our home. 

Posted at 12:27am.

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EDIT: re-recorded to enhance quality a bit.

One of the questions I am continually asking as I read and write songs through Isaiah is, “Who is he talking to, right now?”  I know he’s talking to me, but I can’t help but think that this is a word for more than just me.

I mean, I know it’s for me.  In 600BC, this was a word to a community that had severely compromised its identity, purpose, and relationship with God for the sake of financial security and social comfort. And the more I think about this, the more I see that I could very well be a contributor in a society just like that one.

I mean, if I was in a place where my land was constantly being threatened by other nations and I didn’t know whether the next conquest would be my last, I would most certainly be tempted by material security and comfort.

And though my land isn’t constantly being threatened the way Israel was in BC, I’m still very aware of how much my soul seems addicted to comfort, so much more than I knew and wanted.  The problem: I come from an oral tradition and an ethnic consciousness that tells a story of continual slavery.  And when you’re convinced that you’re in slavery, then you’re in survival mode.  You’ll do anything to keep your angry masters happy so that you stay alive, and that includes keeping things as peaceful and comfortable as possible.

God’s people abandoned their covenant because God’s people forgot that they weren’t oppressed  slaves anymore.  And out of their own “forgetful slavery illusion,” they enslaved the very people who needed most to know that they were no longer oppressed slaves.

Your system sees the poor and grinds their faces
Crushes their spirits, and it breaks their souls
You devoured the grace I set aside for them
And decided what they don’t deserve

But their blood and tears cry out to me
And all you sown, you will surely reap 

Posted at 1:55am.

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Isaiah must have been a very sad man.  I mean, from what I’ve read so far, he has nothing but bad news to give to his people from God, and from what I can see, he saw it all coming.  It must be tremendously unnerving to see your people plunge into the depths of exactly who they were never meant to be, to know what God would do about it, and to have to be the one to tell them so.

But Isaiah had to also be extremely compassionate.  It oozes from his words.  It flows from his clever Hebrew rhymes.  It springs from his explosive imagery and careful word choice.  I know that he was God’s mouthpiece and all, but I think that God uses people because, among other reasons, of what is in them and what will come out of them when they obey Him and act in His power and inspiration.

I am writing my way through this particular message from God, and I am loving it.  Today, I recorded some of my first works, and here is chapter 1.  Tentative title: “once my people.”  You should read Isaiah 1, either before or after you listen to this.


You were once my people
Proudly bearing my name
You were once my children
Pleased to do what Daddy said
Now, you have no leader
Hopeless, lost, and wandering
     Rebellious and forsaken
     All of you is wounded
     Breaks my heart to call you
     Sodom and Gomorrah

I gave you my blessing
So all the earth would know me
You hijacked my goodness
Stealing what was mine to give
Now, you’ve been commodified
Whores for many nations
     But the orphan and the widow
     Need to know my justice
     Hold onto my goodness
     Throw away your evil

So c’mon, come to me, wash yourself clean
Give to me your scarlet sin, and you’ll be white as snow
Desire me, trust my words; I’ll give you what is good
But you rebel, and you refuse
And you will be, you will be consumed

Posted at 1:06am.

I think there’s something interesting about house parties and the advent season.  In my mind, the advent season is about anticipation.  And I think the best way to really enter into and embrace anticipation is in community, around people you love, trust, and in whom you believe.  And being in homes with people makes me feel like that.

Well, my friend Johnny suggested that I do a house concert before I left LA, to celebrate my first EP coming out.  And it never happened.  Well, that thought has haunted me all week, and I’ve gone so far as to plan a complete set of 11 songs to span about 2 hours.

This is very not like me.

The fact that I have a complete set and ideas for guest artists that I want to join me and potential house locations in my head pretty much means that it’s happening.

Stay tuned, my friends.  I know it’s a bit far off, but the advent season is about to get interesting…

Posted at 9:00pm.